AT 3AM ON SATURDAY NIGHT, JANUARY 22ND OR SUNDAY MORNING JANUARY 23RD, DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK A IT, CHARACTER ACTOR AND DILETTANTE ADAM GOLDBERG WAS PLAYING GUITAR IN HIS OFFICE WHILE THE LADY OF THE HOUSE HAD FALLEN ASLEEP ON THE COUCH IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION WITH THE DOGS.

SHE WOKE AND ASKED "CAN WE GO TO BED?" "5 MORE MINUTES," THE HIGH STRUNG GOLDBERG RESPONDED. THEN THE SOUND OF A SLIDING DOOR.

GOLDBERG ASSUMED THE LADY OF THE HOUSE WAS SEEING TO THE DOGS' BLADDERS. BUT MOMENTS LATER THE MINIATURE PINSCHER OF THE HOUSE BEGAN TO BARK WILDLY AND THE LADY SCREAMED WITH UNBRIDLED AND UNPRECEDENTED TERROR.

GOLDBERG WHO USUALLY LIKES TO AVOID AN INCIDENT RAN DOWNSTAIRS TO THE LIVING/KITCHEN AREA  FUELED WITH ADRENALINE AND WIELDING A 1965 GIBSON ES-330 (SHOWN HERE FOR THE PURPOSES OF OUR REENACTMENT AS A NEW EPIPHONE CASINO) AND AGGRESSED THE HAPLESS HOODIE WEARING WHITE ACTOR-LOOKING DUDE IN HIS MID-20S, STANDING IN THEIR KITCHEN.

THE DUDE HAD A DECIDED LACK OF AFFECT, NEITHER AGGRESSIVE NOR DEFENSIVE. WHILE GOLDBERG CONTINUED TO AGGRESS HIM WITH THE GUITAR  AND SCREAM NOT UNLIKE HE HAS IN SOME OF HIS LESSER KNOWN COMMUNITY THEATER WORK HE WAS ALSO TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT ANDREW GARFIELD, THE ENGLISH ACTOR GUY FROM THE FACEBOOK MOVIE, WAS DOING IN HIS KITCHEN. HE DECIDED IT WAS UNLIKELY HIM THOUGH THE RESEMBLANCE WAS STRIKING.

FINALLY THE KITCHEN DOUCHE REACTED BY ASKING "ISN'T THIS BRENDA (AND OR BRENDAN'S?) AND TANYA'S HOUSE?"

GOLDBERG ASSURED HIM THAT IT WASN'T AND FINALLY THE AFFECTLESS FACEBOOK-MOVIE-LOOKING DOUCHEBAG RECEDED INTO THE BACKYARD, CASUALLY STATING "I'M SORRY SIR."

SIR? HE CASUALLY WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN OF A STRANGER AT 3 AM, SCARES A COUPLE LIFELESS, AND THEN INSULTS THE MAN'S AGE?

WAS THIS MERELY A DRUG FUELED ROBERT DOWNEY-ESQUE CASE OF MISTAKEN ADDRESS IDENTITY? A DATELINE-ESQUE PREDATOR LOOKING FOR A COKE PARTY  WITH TEENAGERS BRENDA(N?) AND TANYA? OR A CRMINAL WHO FUCKED WITH THE WRONG HALF -JEW?

IT'S UNCLEAR.

THEREFORE IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON THIS DUDE PLEASE SHARE IT HERE.

WHAT SAY WE BUST THIS DOUCHE!